honesty

Today is the first day i am blogging. I decided from watching Carrie on sex and the city that since now I have good working computer I should write about my life every night. I am visiting virginia for the first time in a few months. The last time I was in town my dad was trying to work things out between him and his now x girlfirend Susan. I stayed at his house for about 3 days and then we had it out over something (cant ever remember all the bullshit) and I ended up staying with my sister. This time I come home to a brand new 5′8 big boobd blonde bitch who is some kinda of a school teacher waitress singer. Yeah. She also comes fully loaded with a 14yr old a 22yr old and 26yr old daughters and a grandkid or two. ugghh. I am so fuking over all the chicks that come in and out of my dads life. I do not feel like having all the drama. Everytime there is a female I have to be the mediator or the one he needs advice from. Then when I dont like her because she is being a cunt he gets mad. It is always a no win situation with him. We had a serious issue last night with him dumping his new chicks kid on me. This morning I packed my things and went to my sisters. I wonder if things will always be this way. am I the only person who thinks that normal relationships still exist? I just do not understnad how everything is so twisted and dramatic and pretty much always heartbreaking. They say when you are young those are te best days of your life… and I cant stop wondering… If these are the best days of my life then what the fuck is the rest of life going to be like? Is it really all down hill from here? I smoked with tara today and layed around the house mostly. I tried to avoid any reall confrontation with my dad by just ignoring his calls all day. I thought that he was more mature than the average 8th grader but it turns out that I am wrong. He had his friend (and now roomate) Robert Gadrow call me to talk to me about the situation. He tried to tell me how fucked up i was being and selfish but being upset. I could not believe how angry I got trying to listen to yet another person who does not know me or my problems or anythign about my relationship with my father butt in and give their lowsy fuking two cents worth. I went off. I just really cant take anymore. I have to learn the boundrys with my father. I am so scared that if I do not learn how to handle the situations and the feelings about my dad I wont be able to have a fully healthy relationship. I dont want to be the chick who has the fucked up dad and now cant function without a man. I am going to work on being confident and independent. I have alot of things I need to work on. The first is going to be trying to get my feelings out by writing.. hopefully everything will fall in place around that if im really lucky.

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