honesty

This morning I woke up feeling like shit. I guess i am getting the winter sicknes that I get in a every year. I need to get back into the florida heat and get to the beach sooon. I toook a hot shower and then felt a little better. Dad called me with his I am soo sorry attitude going on. We went to the mall and had lunch at Red Robin. I bought myswlf a new suitcase from vctoria secrets. I got caught up and bought a pair of pajamas also that they forgot to take the ink tag off of. I really hate that shit. So now I have to go back to the mall tongiht or tomorrow and have it taken off. I talked to Jarrad today too.. he thinks now that he is free that he is a fukin pimp or somethin. I am no longer the brightest thing in his world so i guess i dont matter anymore. The same thing goes with Michael too. I am soo over trying to have a man around me. I am really trying not to get my hopes up about John Martens. He is a guy I met at My Gym in florida. He works a Jimmy Johns Subs. He is a really nice guy but seems too distant to make me think he really likes me. He says one thing when he is around me but then he gets so busy and shit and never calls me back..But I guess taht is just men. I always get so confused about why they say one thing and always act diffently. Uggh. Fuck them. One day i will find a guy who wants to act and say al the right things. I just have to wait. Patience is a hard virtue to follow.

About 5 hours later..
I am sitting in my bed at my dads house. I cant believe how much life hanges so quickly. Strange how it never ever stops changing every second something is changing. I hate it really.. Me and my dad I guess are just ok now since he does not verbally apoligize for anything that he does.. he apoligizes in money. Its crazy actually. I also had a horible conversation with my now deffinitly x boyfriend jarrad tonight in which I found out that he is fuking the girl who i knew he would be fucking as soon as he got out ( autumn-elizabeth-boo ) and oh my gosh I cannot stand her. I knew that he could not be the one for me but it is so much harder to handle when you are actually proven right. I hate to be proved wrong but sometimes it sucks even worse to be proved right. One day I hope I can figure this life thing out.